Blog 8

Name and describe three support personnel who work for online schools.


Paul Dahl


Program Coordinator

pdahl@taylion.com

Paul is the program coordinator. His job entails keeping track of students who enter and leave the program. He is the point person for businesses and marketing as well. He holds the staff meetings and keeps in touch with full time and part time employees. I frequently hear from Paul, probably twice a week about students or issues with Taylion. He keeps everyone in the loop.


Charlene Shores

Principal

cshores@taylion.com

Charlene oversees the entire administration. She is the point person of the school and handles matters that are of a administrative nature. Teachers and adjuncts have very little if any contact with Charlene. She works with Paul to make decisions regarding programming, technical aspects and working with FLV in purchasing and maintaining the online program.





StacyJo Thompson

Enrollment Counselor

sthompson@taylion.com

Stacy Jo is the go to person for student information. She signs students up for the program and works as a counselor would in a face to face environment. She addresses issues students have with classes and teachers and places students in appropriate courses based on their graduation track.

Blog Seven

Choose one of the problems. As an online instructor, how can you be proactive in making sure that the problem does not occur within the classroom? Make sure to thoroughly explain the problem and the proactive solution that you would use.

I've encountered student behavior issues within my online course with at risk students in another state. These students were in a recovery program being held in a church. There was a non-teacher facilitator of the students who was in the room but wasn't a certified teacher. The class contained about 15 boys who were taking the same classes, online, together. As the online teacher I ran into the problem of cheating and inappropriate use of the discussion board. Additionally, when the students submitted Word documents they created clever, yet inappropriate, file names for these assignments. It's possible they thought their behavior would be overlooked since an anonymous person in Arizona was grading their work. However, the online school I work for has a student behavior policy in place. I alerted the director at the church, my administration, and the parents. The students quickly realized that there was as live person grading and giving feedback in the course and their behavior would be monitored and not tolerated.

A solution to this on a more permanent level is to address the guidelines and expectations within the course orientation. When an instructor designs the course rather than teaching from a canned or pre-made course, the instructor can create an orientation that involves the guidelines of Netiquette. Students can discuss the rules of netiquette and talk about what they did and didn't know about that term and expectation. Many times netiquette is a new concept to students and many are intrigued that there are guidelines for online behavior. Oftentimes, the Internet, to children, seems like a free for all. Taking an online course and being a responsible participant is something that an online course can teach.

ELN113 Blog 6

Formative assessments:

Online Tools: 

Google Docs / Drive: With Google docs students can, as a group, or individually, express his or her learning. This open document allows for teacher created prompts for the students to respond to. https://drive.google.com/#my-drive

Discussion Boards: LMS systems of online learning are built in with Discussion Boards. This is a way for students to interact with each other and the instructor about topics and questions related to a unit of study. There is not a direct link to this since it is built into the LMS system and must have a log in required.

Graphic Organizers Online: http://my.hrw.com/nsmedia/intgos/html/igo.htm. Holt has interactive graphic organizers students or teachers can utilize. Students can share their formative ideas through many choices of organizers provided on this site. 

ELN113 BLOG 5

Hi Mike,
This is my very last class for 2 certs, so I'm trying to get it done efficiently.

Here is blog 5:

highlight the principles that are important to consider in course design for younger learners.

Reference: Hemschik, T. (2008). Course designs . Retrieved from http://udini.proquest.com/view/course-designs-instructional-goid:304335706/

1.)    Changing and adapting K-8 online education: K-8 students need to explore content. The designers need to ground their instruction in K-8 student pedagogy.

2.)    The development of K-8 online courses needs to be developed through the exploration of the cognitive and behavioral characteristics of that age group.

3.)    Develop the learning community: Teachers and course designers need to keep in the mind the concept of learning together. Students in k-8 have different needs than high school or college students.

Reference: Boettcher, J. (5, 2011). best practices for teaching online. Retrieved from http://www.designingforlearning.info/services/writing/ecoach/tenbest.html

This reference lists the actual best practices for teaching online.

1.)    Be present: Within the course design, the instructor needs to be present in the course. This can come in the form of discussions, replying to students via the class itself, and providing feedback.

2.)    Create a supportive online community: This can be done through thoughtful and meaningful discussions or peer reviews. Students can work together and create projects or provide feedback to each other. This is also done through effective course design as well. In canned classes, the instructor can be facilitator and reviewer of the online community while monitoring the content and watching for any inappropriate or off topic behavior.

3.)    Use a varied amount of both asynchronous and synchronous activities. Too many constraints on kids who take online courses creates un do stress, but participating in group activities or discussions can be beneficial to the tone of the course.

Reference: National center for academic transformation . (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.thencat.org/R2R/R2R PDFs/SuccCrsRed.pdf

1.)    Create activities that are engaging: Provide multiple opportunities for students to learn in a myriad of ways. Don’t make an online class look like an in person class, change the way you teach the lessons to more interactive technological based ideas or examples.

2.)    Provide individualized feedback: Just like a face-to-face course, provide valuable feedback on assignments so the students have an opportunity to grow and change.

3.)    Create effective assessments: Create tests and assessments so students can see individual and class growth.

4.)    Monitor Student Progress: This can mean emailing or communicating with students on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. Many times schools have online teacher hold office hours in case the students need to come in for a face to face meeting or help. 

ELN113 Blog 4

The site entitled Public Domain Images discusses the use of photos. The articles mentions that many images on the internet are, in fact, public domain. Additionally, there are websites dedicated to images that are not copyrighted or the copyright has expired, therefore, making them public domain. According to this site as well,

The Top Ten Myths (actually 11) goes over the myths of online copyright issues. Basically, all ten, eleven, tell the reader to always check, be safe rather than sorry, and that if you think copyright issues are no big deal. You're wrong.

Stanford U has a site dedicated to all issues regarding copyright. One section of interest answers the question: When I can use work without author's permission?
Here is the answer: When the copyright was before 1923 in the US, The copyright lasts the life of the author plus 70 years, The copyright protects an author's ideas, most copyright issues are civil but certain infractions can be felonious. So, always check!

The Horizon site offers an educators and the law section basically saying that just because it's for educational purposes, doesn't mean you can use it. Educators need to consider copyright as well. Many items can be used for educational reasons, but not distributed or copied unless specifically mentioned on the item. Moreover, teachers may use clips, copies, and other technolgies so as long as it is not violating copyright. Addtionally, the onus is on the teacher to find this out. If an infraction occurs it can damage the reputation of the teacher and the establishment of which that teacher is employed. It sites 3 examples of cases where copyright infringement ended in fines, so copyright issues are serious and should be considered whenever materials are used by an author.

ELN113 Blog Three

1.) The first resource I would use in creating an online course is a podcast. This is a great tool to introduce yourself to the course, clarify material, and create a sense of presence in the course. If the instructor is creating his or her own course, they can attach this audio to the overview and introduction to the course. Creating that sense of instructor presence and a human voice adds an element of intimacy. It also lets the student know the voice and perhaps personality of the instructor. Often an online class is impersonal and adding audio through an instructor made podcast may help with that. http://www.podbean.com/

2.) Thesis Statement/Outline Generator: This web2.0 thesis generator helps the student develop ideas into thesis statements and outlines. Many times this is a tool to help them with formatting or structure. http://www.mpcfaculty.net/molly_may/thesis_generator.html



3.) Screencasts: I often use these for online college courses since many colleges have instructors create his or her own course. I can see its effectiveness in K-12 as well. Many times there are screencasts type of technologies incorporated into canned or pre-made courses but usually onilne schools have pre-developed courses. Florida Virtual School, which is the program I currently use, does not have instructors create or change information in the program. All the links and technologies are managed by FV. http://www.screencastsonline.com/

ELN113 Post 2

1.) Improving Distance Education Through Student Online Orientation Classes:
This article asserts that an introduction to online courses improves student performance. Additionally, having an orientation, survey and practice exercises helps students become associated with the tools of the course as well. When students feel comfortable using the tools, they in turn feel more comfortable using the online course.
Reference: Mensch, S.  (2010). Improving distance education through student online orientation classes. [Print Map]. Retrieved from http://www.aabri.com/OC09manuscripts/

2.)  Preparing for Distance Learning: This site explains the importance of an online orientation. When researching articles, most of the colleges and universities come up first. Their websites explain the importance of an introduction to the course, the format, and the syllabus. For K-12, there are onsite counselors that assist students in beginning their courses. 
Reference: Bozarth, J., Chapman, D. D., & LaMonica, L. (2004). Preparing for Distance Learning: Designing An Online Student OrientationCourse.Educational Technology & Society, 7 (1), 87-106.

3.) The impact of Face to Face Orientation on Online Retention: This study suggests that a face to face orientation actually helps students face the challenges presented in an online course. This is often done by the elearning course administrators and teachers. Many K-12 schools offer an in person component before the online course begins. 
Reference: Radwan, A., & Leeds, E. (2009). The impact of face-to-face orientation on online retention. Online Journal of Distance Learning Administration, VII(IV), Retrieved from http://www.westga.edu/~distance/ojdla/winter124/ali124.html

ELN113 Blog One

find three different online schools that list the computer skills (not necessary hardware, but personal computer skills) that are necessary for online teaching. List the skills, and then rate yourself on each of them.

1.) Taylion Academy: The computer skills required are access to create and read files in .rtf, .pdf, .doc, .docx and the ability to create presentations using Power Point. Internet access is required and basic proficiency is computer functions is required. 
2.) Deer Valley Unified School District: The computer skills required are access to create and read files in .rtf, .pdf, .doc, .docx and the ability to create presentations using Power Point. Internet access is required and basic proficiency is computer functions is required. 
3.) K-12: The computer skills required are access to create and read files in .rtf, .pdf, .doc, .docx and the ability to create presentations using Power Point. Internet access is required and basic proficiency is computer functions is required. 

All three of these schools specifically list what the STUDENT needs for computer requirements. The requirements for the teacher are usually the same but are not specifically addressed in the information packets provided. This type of information is provided in the training listed in Part I of this assignment. In both online situations I've been in for about 4 years, the teacher is given this information as part of the hiring process. This type of information might have been previously available online, but you would have to begin the hiring process for each of these companies to receive that information. All 3 have links for employment but not specific information about computer skills for online teaching, specifically. 

Obama Cartoon Example of Satire #1

Type in my explanation about satire, how this is satire, and what it is satirizing.

8-10 sentences per example

Blog 7

Describe how this type of assessment can be used in eLearning. What makes performance assessment truly worthwhile in eLearning? What can you foresee as the pitfalls and problems with performance assessment in the eLearning environment?




A performance assessment requires that the students use what they've learned and create a final product with that knowledge. The final product is often in the form of something that the student creates or keeps as evidence of his/her learning. For instance, at the end of a unit the student might create a variety of differentiated activities pertaining to the unit and course or unit objectives.
 
Performance assessments lend themselves well to Elearning because many tools available for creating assessments can be easily completed online and with online tools such as web 2.0 and Google.
 
The problem with online learning is that sometimes instructors will assign items online simply because they are online and not because they are the best way to assess the objectives. I've seen teachers add online components to courses with no real reason or benefit other than that it is, "online." Sometimes technology is a buzz word and not utilized correctly.

Blog 6

A fixed response for writing will leave the answer options limited. For a writing prompt that is fixed in nature the student would be required to know, specfically, what the answer is. For a contructed response the question can be higher level and allow the student to have more flexibility in answering. A contructed response will be answered more objectively using a detailed rubric whereas a fixed response writing assessment may have only one correct answer and only a few ways in which to answer that question. A contructed response writing assessment may be the longer essay questions and the fixed response one may be the shorter, short answer questions.

Computer based tests, once made, can provide convenience for the student and for the teacher. However, the initial setting up of questions and creating the test can be initially very time consuming. Obviously, when the computer grades the work it is grading on the information the teacher inputted. The downfall to this is that students cannot be assessed individually. For example, you might have a student whose ablities require special consideration. For a teacher graded test those students can have the benefit of the teacher's feedback and consideration of the students writing or cognitive abilities. Also, sometimes students don't test well or are unclear about directions. A teacher graded assessement can address problems of confusion. It adds the human element when the teacher is more involved. Some students may be more successful with more teacher interaction.

Blog 5

Describe the differences between constructed-response and fixed-response assessments. When would you use each type of assessment in eLearning? Why?




A constructed response is going to allow the teacher to create questions that stimulate the student’s higher level thinking skills whereas a fixed response assessment may only measure basic knowledge. For a constructed response the items may be open for interpretation and may be presented in the form of short answer or long answer essays. In contrast, a fixed response requires only one correct answer.

For eLearning both constructed and fixed assessments are useful. A fixed response assessment serves better as a formative, skills based assessment so the teacher may ascertain where the students are in acquiring terminology or basic skills that require shorter, more distinct answers. A constructed test can be utilized as a pre/post to see how well the student has progressed from the instruction.

Blog 4

Constructive Responses assessments take the form of completion items, true or false, short answer, and long answer or multiple-choice tests. The advantages of all these items are that they are easy to construct, familiar to the student, and reliability. The students are used to these types of tests so one of the advantages is that students are comfortable with the format.


For completion items or fill in the blank items, a disadvantage can be making sure the items left blank are important to the objective. Since many of these responses are recalling items, it is important to make them: Meet objectives, be at or below student reading level, and limiting the number of blanks in an entry. An advantage is the ability to test key ideas or main points.

Multiple-choice questions are also reliable and easy to construct. Students are familiar and confident when taking them because the chances of getting a right answer are possible since the right answer is among the selections. A disadvantage is that the distracter answers may be too vague or too closely related to the right answer. This can make multiple choices difficult and leave more than one right answer as the choice. However, if the test is too easy obvious. The instructor needs to carefully consider phrasing and level of difficulty. Often times synonyms are used that can be misleading to the student and cause error, especially when the student knows the correct answer.

True or false questions are also easy to construct and can test recall knowledge of a chapter or unit. However, TF questions cannot delve into higher-level thinking. In addition, a disadvantage is the same as with multiple choices as the ‘wrong’ answer needs to be developed carefully and to avoid obvious wrong answers. If the test is too easy then you are not testing on the objectives but just on how to take a test.

Short answer questions can also be efficient and easy to write. These questions can start to assess higher level thinking especially are you wanting the student to explain or describe content information. A disadvantage is also in the scoring. Students may answer with reasonable responses but not exactly, what the content required. Sometimes a short answer question can be an exercise in “guess what I’m thinking” on the part of the instructor.

Long answer tests can develop higher level thinking also. However, these types of tests are often overwhelming and may be subject to rambling and off topic comments. An advantage is that the student has to provide a response in a well-written, well-organized response and therefore synthesize or evaluate information. These tests can be very difficult to grade as well as time consuming. Since every student may respond in slightly different ways, it is sometimes for the instructor to maintain accurate and consistent grading criteria.

Blog 3

When taking an online class the learner benefits from mastery and repetition of content. Since much is lost in the lack of personal communication I think it’s most effective to use the growth-referenced assessment. In this type of assessment the student’s performance is compared with the learner’s prior experience (Oosterhof, Conrad & Ely, 2008). In the online college courses I teach I use a pre-test writing assessment to determine where my students are in relation to his/her writing ability. As I grade their essays and provide feedback, I can give specific enough feedback so they can make improvements in their writing and progress through the course. I stress that I need to see improvement in MLA and writing skill as the class progresses.

For high school though, it might still be best to use criterion-referenced assessment. I might teach smaller units on individual skills and then test the class on those skills to see where students’ strengths and weaknesses lie. In a high school online environment mastery of the content is critical. It would be useful for students to be allowed to retake the tests as many times as they can in order to obtain mastery.  

Blog 2

Blog Two describe what the difference is between training and education as it pertains to assessment.


Training involves skills to perform tasks that require some degree of practice, repetition, or skill. The skills required for training are essential to the function of some tangible item. Therefore, training is more a hands on or practical application. Students in training programs may use and be required to use their taught skills in real world situations, with people, and have a specific, measurable outcome. Assessing training then can have clearly measurable outcomes for the instructor. With training, the skills can be repeated over and over until mastery is recognized and achieved.

Education, on the other hand, builds cognitive skills so students may address problems that are as of yet, unforeseen. The book describes it well by saying, “the content domain…is broad, only a sampling of content associated with the domain is learned, and a small portion of that which is learned is actually assessed (Oosterhof, Conrad, & Ely 2008). For instance I can teach the same MLA skills every year but in which manner and how I will assess can always be different. Essentially what I’m teaching are skills that will be utilized at some future date and cannot immediately be ascertained by mere observation or pencil and paper assessment. Education is more abstract than training. Training is more concrete and perhaps easier to measure than education.

Blog One

A learning outcome is what the instructor would like the student to have shown mastery in. It is the outcome of the learning or the result. So, if I want my students to take a source and utilize that source to prove their thesis statement then my outcome would be for students to use a source, paraphrase, summarize, and quote source material. The learning outcomes have a strong verb as to what action the student will take to complete that learning outcome. This verb will guide the students, and the teacher, into meeting the outcome.

The performance objective are the skills that I can actually see. It is the product the learner has used the verbs to create. So, my students will summarize, paraphrase, and quote. All verbs. The performance is what I want them to perform at or near. For my students, I need 100% accuracy in MLA formatting and writing skills. Any deviation from 100% would indicate that the student did not acquire the skill and therefore did not meet the learning objective or the performance outcome. With using sources in writing it’s an all or nothing outcome most of the time.

Emotional Downfall

 Is your kid an asshole? Oh, probably not. He or she is probably misunderstood or misdiagnosed, but asshole is such a strong word. That’s mean to say about your own kid. Well, my kid is an asshole. He doesn’t think he is though because in anger I’ve screamed it at him, "You're an Asshole!"  He simply answers, No, no, I’m not. 

But he is. And if your kid is ED then your kid probably is too. Don’t worry. My son is an asshole too. Other people already think you’re kid’s an asshole anyway. For this book we are going to assume your kid is too. Now, he’s not an asshole like your ex-husband is an asshole or librarians are assholes. Your kid is ED and he or she is, honestly, an asshole. Just admit it. It took me years to admit it too. I started saying it under by breath and then to my best friend and finally to other people. Other people laugh nervously because it makes them feel uncomfortable but sometimes the truth is uncomfortable. Let's try to admit it together. Say it, Say it out loud. Right now. Start with a whisper. "My kid's an asshole." Then get louder and louder until your soul feels it. “My kid’s an asshole.” Like the albatross around your neck, the guilt and shame have fallen into the sea along with regret, anger, and years of quiet disappointment. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s begin.

How long have you been the defender when people want to give you advice about how to handle your ED kid? How often do you think they talk about your weird, mean socially awkward kid behind your back and you’re not there to defend yourself or your child? Probably a lot.

For 18 years I’ve compared myself to other people’s children. I gauge the normalness of my own life by what I see and hear of other people's. It’s the Jerry Springer syndrome. My kid might be an asshole but at least my husband isn’t cheating on me with a midget stripper who is also my best friend!

People like to compare themselves to others as a way to feel normal. I tried to do that because I so desperately needed Tyler and myself to be and feel normal, but then realized that my kid was not normal. I knew the school psychologists and school counselors better than I knew his teachers. I saw the principal often. Every encounter with school staff chipped away at my psyche, my resolve, and my sanity. I felt my already fragile self- esteem beginning to crumble with every meeting or phone call I received from the school about Tyler and his behavior. I started getting panic attacks on my way to pick him up from school. My stomach would tighten and I’d feel nauseous. I felt sick on the way to pick up my child, my baby boy, the love of my life. Some days I had already received a phone call from the teacher or principal or counselor and on those days Tyler would just get in the back seat. Once or twice I’d been known to reach over and smack him after such phone calls so started just getting in the back seat to avoid getting smacked. The times I hit him I would feel bad and talk to people about it to make sure other people hit or spanked their kids. I wanted so badly to be a good parent but I was failing.  My friends said, Hit him. Hit him harder in fact, use the belt even. He must be a kid who needs tough love. He's not getting it. And then they’d tell me stories of how they disciplined their own children  hitting or smacking or belts. 

Other days I would remain calm and question him about what went wrong during the day. While he sat in the back seat tears of anguish and frustration would pour down my cheeks. I held my voice steady though so he wouldn't know I was crying. Since every single day was a bright red, torn paper day, I was trying to discover the source of his behavior problem. I thought it was something I did or didn't do and I needed to know how to improve.  I made sure his homework was done, he ate well, and he was involved in sports and church and had friends. We spent quality time together fishing, hiking, swimming, and skating. We studied for his tests and went to parent teacher conferences. We spent time with family and joined Boy Scouts. I just didn’t get it. I thought it had to be something, something was going on with him and I wanted him to tell me. He just said I don’t know I don’t I don’t know. Sometimes he’d say, “It’s because I’m stupid, or dumb, or stupid, or dumb.” I heard the same excuses but no reasons why. The teacher didn’t know, my friends didn’t know, the counselors didn’t know. And the thing is. I knew the school blamed me. And I knew some of my friends did too.  I just knew it. I could sense it while I sat in the principal’s office or at teacher conferences. I sat there stoic while they told me Tyler doesn’t sit, doesn’t listen, doesn’t follow directions, can’t work in group, hits other children, and is failing. 
I don’t think they believed me when I said I made him read for 10 minutes every night. And some nights I would read to him. What they didn’t know is that the first 5 minutes Tyler would cry hysterically and I would scream at him or at the wall or at myself. By the time he actually started reading we were both mentally exhausted. 
Each day I would rally him together in the morning. I was cheerful and upbeat. I'd sing him little wake up songs or tickle him softly so he'd laugh and wake up with a smiler. 
I'd make the breakfast of his choice, we’d take our time getting ready, and we’d share a laugh and drive to school. I’d say, “Have a great day Tyler okay? You can make it a great day, okay? I love you and I’ll see you tonight, okay?” 
By 11 am my work phone would ring and the elementary school number would pop up. My heart would sink and my stomach would tighten. Some days I had to leave work to pick him up because he’d been suspended or kicked out of class. It never ended.I took it all to heart.

Once in the third grade I had been to a book fair at my job. I bought Tyler a big, colorful Encyclopedia of How Things Work. I surprised him that night and we went over the pictures and entries together. I read to him and pointed stuff out I thought was cool. He seemed excited. So excited, in fact, he asked if he could bring the Enclycopedia to school the next day to show his friends and teacher. I said, “I don’t know, Tyler, it's pretty heavy. You don’t want to carry that around all day in your book bag.” 
He swore he did. He insisted it wasn’t heavy, see, and lift it up so I could see the proof. Off he went to the 2nd grade with his orange Gap book bag and his kid's How Things Work Encyclopedia inside.
I picked him up from school that day but noticed a note attached to the book bag with a safety pin. It read, “Tyler had a bad day. He said you yelled at him, got angry, and made him carry this heavy encyclopedia around as punishment.”

I was livid. Pissed. Infuriated. He was in the 2nd grade, probably 7 years old. I asked him, “Tyler, why would you say that to your teacher? You know that’s a lie.” His response, “I’m stupid and dumb and nobody likes me.” This was his standard response that would apparently elicit my sympathies because a child who everyone hates is a sad child indeed. Today though he had thrown me under the bus. I was fed up with him making me look bad. I was a good person and my kid was turning me into a person I didn't recognize. 

When we got back to our apartment I was crying tears of rage, I was screaming at him for lying, for purposefully and maliciously making me the villain when it was really his behavior that got him into trouble. During my tirade I threw a Pokeman Pikachu night light against the wall of the apartment we shared. It broke on one side but still lit up. Tyler is almost 18 and still remembers the Pikachu night light/slash encyclopedia incident. To this day he has no idea why he lied.

That was just the beginning of him lying about me. He continued to create lies and disillusions that would shatter my world and send him to live away from me. Writing about it now brings tears to my eyes as I still am unable to understand this kid at any level. People still want to give me advice and a lot of it involves violence towards him, locking him out, cutting him off, kicking him out etc. The truth is this kid is ED but what other people see isn’t a child with an emotional disability, they see an asshole. They see a kid who needs more discipline, who hasn’t been disciplined enough. I know people still blame me. Children are a product of their parents and my kid is an asshole. You’d think I didn’t even try to be a good parent after you hear some of the shit he’s done and said and been accused of. I’ve been nice to him and mean to him and I’ve cried with him and about him and now I’ve reached the point where I can hardly talk to him and sometimes intentionally avoid him as much as possible to save my own sanity. I don't want to live in rage or anger or sadness. I want to be a happy person. The time came when I needed to take care of myself.  I decided a while ago I wouldn't let this kid ruin me, my life, or my spirit. And, god knows he’s tried. People don’t understand either. They still think he wasn't spanked enough or he needs to join the military or have someone beat him up. 

So if your kid is an asshole it’s probably not your fault. Your kid was going to be an asshole no matter what you did or said or didn’t do. If your kid is ED, you are not to blame for his/her behavior. It is the nature of the disability. Even specialists don’t know what to do. In special education students with emotional disabilities falls into the category of OHO or Other Health Impairment. These kids are shuffled around and shuffled in and out of the school system and sometimes juvenile hall. They are misunderstood because people don’t like them.

And, parents are embarrassed and defeated by it. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. Say it out loud now. “It’s Not Your Fault.” Now you are free.

This Much I Know Is True

I wish I had the time, energy, and money to pursue all the things I'm interested in. I'd like to earn an Ph.D. I'd like to go to Greece and Italy and visit famous works of art. I'd like to read all day while it's raining. I'd like to make more money doing what I love. I'd like to talk people into learning from my mistakes. I'd like to doubt myself less. I'd like to appreciate who I am more. I'd like to have those years back when I drank myself into nightly oblivion. I'd like to hold onto moments longer than a moment. I'd like to pour my heart out to every one I meet. I'd like to tell my story and write a book. I'd like for my pets to never die. I'd like for my mother to always be happy. I'd like my children to find their passion. I'd like for rainbows to always amaze me. I'd like to cry and not feel weak. I'd like to love and not be afraid. I'd like to sing and not be embarrassed. I'd like to skip and not feel silly. I'd like to write until I run of things to say. I'd like to laugh everyday until I can't breathe. I'd like to be the happy in someones day. I'd like to be a light in someones life. I'd like to be the act of kindness. I'd like to give as much as I've been given. I'd like to tell the people who left that I'm doing ok. I'd like to move on. I'd like to get over it. I'd like to worry less. I'd like to color more. I'd like to slow down. I'd like to...cherish, wait, hurry, love, add, continue, seek, hold back, renew, concentrate, flow, correct, tolerate.

What I Know

Recently I've been thinking a lot about death and dying. I'm afraid to die. I wasn't when I was younger perhaps because being young for me was much like being on the brink of insanity. I already felt near death so I wasn't afraid of it. As I struggled to find myself I found my fear of dying faded for a while. I became who I always thought I could be. I have good, helpful friends, a great husband, healthy children, and a job I love. Why does it feel like it will all end? The panic and doubt of my teens and 20s haunts me now in my 30s. I know for sure that I made a lot of bad decisions, but I made even more good ones. I know for sure that I must actively enjoy life and remind myself that without risk there is no success. This risk has brought me the blessings I have now. The risk of moving to Fl, the risk of going to college, the risk of raising a child on my own. I must take solace in the fact that I can overcome my fears and insecurities. No matter how successful and funny I may seem on the outside, there is always a part of me who knows how hard it was to get here. There is the part that holds on to every childhood laugh, every silly moment, every late night, every chubby baby hug. Those are the moments which I thrive on. I thrived on them for different reasons when Tyler was small. They were part of my survival to cope with all the pain I was in. Now, they don't hide the pain, they accentuate the joy that has become my everyday.
I'm about to begin a new phrase in my life. A sober phase. A phase that leaves behind the past and the pain. A phase that finally allows me to be a part of my life instead of struggling to make it through one more day. There is still an irrational fear of dying. I want to live to see my girls grow up. I want to see my son graduate from college and become a man. It's my time to view life as something to be lived, not just FOR me, but BY me, and FOR others.

10 Signs That You Might Be An Idiot | The Sarcasmist

10 Signs That You Might Be An Idiot | The Sarcasmist